Those Who Love You Most
by blakes8th
Summary: In the words of David Tennant, this ones "A little bit weird!" Going to be angsty.
1. Chapter 1

Those Who Love You Most

Disclaimer: New tricks belongs to the BBC, I'm just feeding it while they're on holiday.

Rating T to be safe.

"Sandra! Could we slow down please?"

Detective Superintendant Sandra Pullman looked to her left with a scowl, her usually perfectly composed boss was looking anything but as he nervously braced himself against the dashboard of her car, his knuckles white. She could see his foot pressing down on an imaginary brake pedal, desperately trying to slow the car down. She sighed and dropped her speed, maybe she had been going a little bit too fast, especially considering the foul weather they were driving in, the rain was lashing down on the windscreen, and beating on the soft roof of her convertable. She just wanted this journey to be over, to get home to the bottle of white which was waiting in her fridge to help her forget this crappiest of days.

The day had started out just like any other, she and the boys had just successfully resolved their last case and had found themselves with the relative luxury of being able to chose their next case from three which had been brought to their attention. Unfortunately, her three colleagues all wanted to a different one which lead to a very heated discussion with her stuck in the middle faced with the impossible task of making a decision which would leave one of her boys happy as a pig in poop, while the other two would sulk all day. Sometimes she wondered if she was a police officer or a playschool teacher.

The argument had been interupted by the arrival of Deputy Assistant Commissioner Robert Strickland. He walked into the office and had spent a good few minutes watching the antics of his team of experienced, seasoned officers bickering like a troupe of chimpanzees. They had only noticed him when Sandra had cleared her throat and nodded in his direction. Gerry, Brian and Jack had sheepishly sat themselves down at their respective desks as Strickland had wandered into the middle of the room.

Then he had dropped the bombshell. Her presence was required at a minority in the police conference in Reading and they needed to leave immediately. She had argued him out that it was impossible, that she was too busy, she couldn't leave the office at the start of a new case, any excuse would do but nothing would save her this time. He had told her that their presence had been 'requested' by the commissioner and that not attending was not an option. She had huffed and complained all the way to the car park, and then insisted that she drive them in her car, it had been a small victory, but at least she felt that she was in charge of something.

The conference had been terrible. It had tested every ounce of her self control. Lots of self important pricks, crowing over their achievements and trying to score points over each other at the expense of others. Politicians and executives, complaining and bitching at each other. She had plastered a fake smile on her face and tried really hard not to punch somebody. Nobody there really gave a damn about policing, only about making themselves look good. Her only consolation was that her boss had been as miserable and bored as she had. It had been his idea to slip away half way through the commissioners reception afterwards.

So here they were, heading east on the M4 towards home at seven in the evening an a Friday night. The rain was lashing down now, trying to beat it's way through her windscreen, the wipers were hardly able to keep up with the torrent. She dropped her speed a little more, yes she was miffed at her boss, but there was no need to scare ten years off his lifespan.

"Thank you." He murmured, relaxing his grip on the dashboard.

Sandra drew back from the car in front, leaving herself plenty of room to react, there were still cars speeding along in the lane next to her, seemingly oblivious to the horrendous weather conditions.

"Idiots." She muttered to herself as a lorry came alongside her little saab.

"Where's a copper when you need one?" Strickland smiled. Sandra did a little double-take. She rarely heard him joke, and he'd been in such a foul mood today she hadn't expected any kind of good humour from him. She gave him a small grin.

"I could always turn on the blues." She said.

"Absolutely not! These two particular coppers are off duty and on their way home." He replied, returning the smile.

The lorry edged past, the spray from it's wheels making it almost impossible to see. The scaffold boards and poles loaded onto the back rattled and shook, a tarpaulin flapped like a huge bat, and the straps holding a pallet of thermalite blocks slapped against the side of the truck, sounding like a whip.

"I think I'm going to give this nutter a bit more room." Sandra said.

"Good idea," Robert agreed, then he grabbed the dashboard and pushed his foot down hard onto the imaginary brake, "LOOK OUT!" He shouted.

Sandra stamped her foot on the brake and pulled hard on the steering wheel as the lorry side-swiped the car in front before braking hard and swerving in front of Sandra. The lorry zigzagged for what seemed like an eternity, but was in reality just a few seconds before it ran up against the barrier and tipped over, spilling its load across the carriageway. Sandra couldn't do anything except brace herself as she ploughed into the wreckage, her little soft top cabriolet offering very little resistance against the flying debris. Other cars were crashing into each other as they tried to avoid the wrecked lorry and its destroyed load. She watched in horror as the pallet of blocks hit the road in front of her, seemingly in slow motion, the wood of the pallet shattered as it hit the road and the blocks turned into shrapnel, raining onto them like a meteor storm, smashing throught the windscreen and slicing throught the canvas roof.

She felt Robert grab her hand. Then everything went Black.

/

Author's note. :-O So, do I continue? I feed off reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

Those Who Love You Most

Disclaimer; New Tricks belongs to the BBC. If I had any say, there would be a movie.

"Oh Brian! I sometimes wonder if evolution missed you."

Gerry sat listening to Esther berating Brian for his lack of table manners with a grin. He and Jack had just enjoyed a wonderful meal at the Lane house courtesy of Esther. It had become a monthly ritual, to have a meal at one of their homes, and it was something they had all come to look forward to, which was why is had been so strange tonight, with Sandra missing.

Gerry felt sorry for his boss, she had been dragged off to some pointless conference by the tosser from upstairs, and had sounded so low when she had called to tell them she wasn't going to be back in time for the meal.

"We'll have to take Sandra out somewhere, to make up for her missing this." He suggested.

"Missing what! Brian behaving like a caveman." Esther replied, glaring at her husband.

"You shouldn't make such delicious drumsticks." He countered.

"Oh, so it's my fault you don't know how to use a knife and fork."

Gerry and Jack couldn't suppress their mirth anymore and both started to laugh out loud. Jack took a sip from his glass of water.

"Do you want a hand to clear up?" He offered. Esther smiled at him.

"No, it's alright. Brian's going to do it later, arn't you love?"

"Eh! Oh, alright then." Brian surrendered.

Just then the phone began to ring. Esther went to answer it.

"Hello. Oh hello love, yes he's here. I'll pass you over." She handed the phone to Gerry. "It's your Emily." Gerry took the phone with a smile.

"Hiya love. Sorry my phones gone flat. What's up?" He asked, cheerfully. He listened for a few moments, his face paled and the smile slid from his face. "When?" Jack, Brian and Esther looked on with growing concern. "Ok, Thanks. We'll head over there straight away." He hung up and stared at the phone for a while.

"What?" Jack was really worried now, Gerry looked as though he was fighting back tears.

"There's been an accident." Was all he could say. He got up and went into Esther and Brian's lounge and flicked on the television. He was glad Brian's obsession with new technology meant his colleague had the lastest digital set box, he found the news channel while the others all followed him and gathered round. The news reporter was standing rain soaked, talking into the camera.

"Turn it up a bit." Brian suggested.

_"The accident occurred just after seven o/clock this evening. It is unclear at this time what exactly was the cause of such a serious collision, but we can be sure that the heavy rain must have been a contributing factor. Emergency personel have confirmed that at least twelve vehicles were involved in the pile up and have also confirmed that at least twenty three people are being treated for their injuries, several of these are considered to be in critical condition. There has been one confirmed fatality, though there are no details at this moment. We will bring you more on this story as it unfolds." _The news reporter disappeared from the shot as the camera panned around the scene, the sight which caught theirattention was that of a recovery lorry loading the wreck of a small blue saab onto it's trailer. Gerry paused the picture. Jack gasped.

"That's Sandra's car."

"There's nothing left of it." Brian whispered, his voice shakey.

"Gerry, what did Emily say?" Jack demanded.

"Police at the scene contacted the AC when they found out two of there own were involved. He gave Emily the job of contacting us as the next of kin."

"What! We're listed as Sandra's next of kin? I would have thought she would have listed her Mum." Brian asked confused.

"She did. Grace has already been informed. No, we're listed as Strickand's next of kin."

"Strickland's! Why?" Brian exclaimed. Gerry shrugged.

"Are they alright?" Esther asked the question they were all afraid to know the answer to.

"She didn't know. One of us has to get to the Royal Berkshire hospital as soon as possible." Gerry looked as his friends.

"We'll all go." Jack stated. He looked at the paused picture of Sandra's wrecked car. "And I don't know about you, but I'm going to say a prayer all the way."


	3. Chapter 3

Those who love you most

Disclaimer; New Tricks belong to Auntie Beeb, but since she's taking a break, I'm just giving them a run out while the weather's nice.

Warning; This is where it get's 'a bit weird', please stick with me. I feed off reviews.

Robert stood in shock, the sirens blared around him, people in uniforms and high visibility jackets, bustled in and out of the carnage, paramedics and fire fighters and police, all doing their best to free people from the wreckage of their smashed vehicles.

He felt like he should be helping, doing something, but he felt disjointed, like he was looking at the scene from the other side of a window, he wracked his brain trying to remember what had happened, the last recollection he had was the smashed blocks raining down on them, he remembered grabbing Sandra's hand and leaning across her to try and offer her some protection from the missiles.

Sandra! His mind raced and panic gripped him, where was she? How had he got out of the car? Had she got out too? He looked down at himself, his pristene suit was clean and dry, not a mark on him despite the rain and chaos. He frowned in puzzlement, something was very wrong.

He looked around, trying to see any sign of his colleague. His eyes rested on her car a few meters away and gasped, his knees turned to jelly as he laid eyes on the tidy little convertible.

It was a wreck, the front end completely destroyed, the windscreen was gone, shattered into tiny diamond like shards, the canvas roof was shredded, the black fabric flapping in the wind like a great black bird. 'How in the world did I get out' he wondered, he knew he had been wearing his seat belt so he couldn't have been thrown clear. He could see the paramedics gathered around a prone figure lying on the ground, his heart lurched, Sandra? He drew nearer, but as he got closer he could see that it was a man. He had an extremely bad feeling in his gut and had to resist the urge to look away, instead he drew even closer. The emergency personel carried on with their duties, oblivious to his presence. The man on the ground was a mess, his chest and face a mass of blood, several medical personel beavered away, trying to stop the blood from pouring from the numerous wounds. one of the medics removed two leather wallets and a phone from the man's pocket and handed them to a nearby police officer. Robert knew this was a standard procedure, check to find an identity, look for medical cards or an ice number. But at this moment, he couldn't take his eyes off the poor sod on the floor. He knew that face, he saw it every morning in his shaving mirror. He vaguely heard the policeman call to one of his colleagues.

"Bloody Hell!, You had better call this in. This one here is one of our's. Top brass."

"This one is too." Another voice called from the other side of the car. Robert found himself looking on as more paramedics worked on the broken form of Sandra Pullman. She wasn't as messed up as his doppleganger, in fact she looked as beautiful as she always did, except for the huge purple bruise on the side of her face and the crimson stain in her hair which was growing all the time as her precious blood seeped from the wound in the side of her head. He staggered backwards, looking again at his prone form.

"Am I dead?" He asked no-body in particular.

"Not quite." Came a voice behind him. It made him jump and he span around, suddenly looking into the face of an elderly man. It had been nearly fourty years since he had last seen that face, but it was one he would never forget.

"Grandfather?" He whispered, his heart beating so hard he was sure it was going to burst right out of his chest. The old man laughed.

"Grandfather? That's a bit formal isn't it Bobby? What happened to 'Poppa'?" The old man's eyes twinkled with mirth, the same clear blue as his own.

"I'm not six any more." Was all he could say in response. "I don't understand, am I dead? What's happening?"

"You're in the place between life and death."

"Why are you here?"

"I'm here for you, to help you."

"Why, I mean why you?"

"Because I am one of those who love you most." Robert felt his eyes fill up. Of all of the people he had lost through his life, this was the one person who's loss he had never stopped feeling. The old man saw Robert's struggle and stepped forward, gathering his Grandson into a bearhug of an embrace.

"I'm so sorry Bobby, I'm sorry I had to leave you alone. You were so young, far to young to have to cope. I'm sorry I left you alone with that bastard."

Robert returned his Grandfather's embrace.

"It's not your fault." He replied, his voice soft. He pulled away gently, and looked back to his prone form, the medics still furiously working on him, like bees around a honey pot. He looked over to the still form of Sandra.

"Will she be alright?" He asked.

"I can't answer that. All I can tell you is that one person will lose their life tonight."

"It has to be me." Robert's voice was much calmer than he felt.

"Why? Do you value your life so little?"

"So many people depend on her. The boys in the department will fall apart without her, she keeps them young, gives them a purpose in life. Without her, Gerry would be up to his eyes in debt, and Brian, well he would either be back on the drink, or Esther would have been driven to murder, and Jack, well he would have died of boredom by now, she is like the daughter he never had. She is the backbone of UCOS, the rock which they all depend on. They are family. And there is her mother, she and Grace may not get on, but that doesn't mean they don't love each other. She is incredible, her death would destroy so many lives."

"Sounds like you're a bit smitten there Bobby." His Grandfather smiled, but the smile wasn't one of humour, there was a sadness attached to it which was reflected in his eyes. Robert smiled ruefully.

"Of course I am, who wouldn't be. She's amazing. I don't think I would of got through the past year without her. She is the brightest point in my day, even though she has no idea. She doesn't give me a second glance."

"I know how hard things have been for you for the past few years, but I have a question, why don't you let people help you. Why have you isolated yourself from everybody?"

Robert didn't answer, his eyes fixed on the woman on the ground in front of him. He knew that she was a fighter, that she wouldn't give up. The truth was that he didn't want to be the one to live if it meant living in a world without her. He noticed that his Grandfather was still waiting for an answer, he shrugged.

"It's better for everybody that way. I can't hurt them, and they can't hurt me."

"But it hurts you anyway, doesn't it?" Robert looked away.

"It has to be her, she has to live. The simple fact is, no-one will miss me."

/

Authors note. The ICE number. My sister in law is a fire fighter and she and other emergency persons she works with are trying to promote the use of ICE numbers. You see, every time they attend accidents etc they find mobile phones on people. They are then faced with a whole list of names and numbers and have no idea who to call. ICE stands for In Case of Emergency. Make an emergency contact number on your phone under the name ICE, if you have more than one just put ICE 1, ICE 2 etc. This will make it easier for the emergency services if God forbid you are ever in need of help. Spread the word.

Oh, and I'm hoping to get another chapter out tonight. The next few chapters will all be P.O.V from different characters. This is my first attempt at writing this sort of story, though I've read lots of them. S


	4. Chapter 4

Those who love you most

Disclaimer: Hang on, just let me check my e-mail... Nope, the BBC havn't given them to me, they still own New Tricks.

Sandra stood as still as a statue, horrified at the scene in front of her. The last few moments kept playing out in her mind, the lorry swerving, then rolling over, the load spilling onto the road in front of her, the debris raining down on her car, the feel of Strickland's hand as he grabbed hold of hers, and the pain.

She stood watching the emergency personel as they did their best to make sense of the chaos, she heard a voice calling out over the noise of the sirens.

"This one here is one of our's. Top brass." She followed the direction of the voice and saw a young pc in a yellow high visibility jacket, holding a wallet, she looked down to the owner of the wallet. She couldn't stop the sob from escaping as she saw the broken form of her boss, the medics frantically trying to stop the blood which was spreading across the soaking wet road, blooming out like the petals on a blood red rose, she shook her head in disbelief. She had wanted to scare him, make him regret dragging her to that stupid conference, not this. She never wanted to hurt him.

"I should have slowed down, if I hadn't have driven so fast, we'd have been further back, I did this." She whispered to herself. Her gaze not leaving the form on the ground. "I'm so sorry." She tore her eyes away, she could see her own body on the other side of the car, she was surprised that this didn't bother her so much, the sight of her own form, with a very obvious head injury was less troubling to her in some way.

She had heard stories of this sort of thing before, people standing outside there bodies, looking on as if they were watching a movie. She had to admit that it was a strange sensation.

"What next, a tunnel of light? A choir of heavenly voices?" She spoke out loud. None of the medics even registered her presence.

"That would be a bit of a cliche, wouldn't it?" A female voice replied. Sandra froze, she recognised the voice, but it was impossible. She turned slowly.

"Mary?" She gasped.

"Hello sweetheart. I'd like to say it's nice to see you again, but to be honest, I'd hoped we wouldn't meet again untill you were old and grey."

"Is this it then. Am I dead?"

"No, not yet, you're still fighting." Sandra looked into the face of the woman who had been like a mother to her in the darkest part of her life. She had ran to Jack and Mary's to escape the oppressive atmosphere which had invaded her own home, of course she now knew the reason why her own mother had been so distant and hostile at that time.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm one of those who love you most. I'm here to help you. I know what you are thinking. Where is your Dad?"

"I was thinking that, but then again, I don't know if I want to see him yet. It's still too soon." Sandra swiped away the tears which had started to fall.

"He know's that love. That's why I came." Sandra's eyes drifted back to the man who was still being worked on.

"I never meant to hurt him." She whispered.

"Oh darling! This is just one of those things that happen. It's not your fault." The older woman put her arms around Sandra's shoulders.

"I was driving too fast, he asked me to slow down."

"And you did. You mustn't blame yourself."

"Will he make it?" Sandra asked in a quiet voice, as she watched the paramedics bustle around him. One stood and called for a stretcher.

_"Right, we can't do anymore for him here. We need to get him to hospital if he's going to stand any chance."_ They loaded him onto the trolley and rushed him to a waiting ambulance.

"One person will die here tonight." Mary told her, a sympathetic tone to her voice. "I can't say who."

"He can't die. What about his kids? If it has to be someone, then it should be me."

"He hasn't seen his children since his wife left him, she's poisoned them against him. He has no family, no friends. No one to leave behind. At least that's the case he's making at the moment." Sandra looked at Mary in shock.

"He's here too? Where? I want to see him." She looked around, frantically searching for his face. He came into view a few meters away, he was on his knees beside her double, his head lowered. She could see an elderly man standing behind him, one hand resting on Robert's shoulder, trying to offer some kind of comfort.

"Can't he see me?" She asked.

"You wanted to see him, so you can. He hasn't even considered the possibility that you are here. He's already volunteered his life so that you can live. He made a very good case." Sandra put her hand to her mouth, tears rolling freely down her face.

"No, please no." She begged anybody who may be listening. "Why?"

"He loves you, you know." Mary told her. Sandra nodded.

"The boy's have teased me about it, they keep on about how he fancies me. I never really took any notice." She admitted. Mary shook her head.

"He doesn't fancy you. He doesn't just want to get you into bed. He is in love with you. He watches from a distance, afraid to say anything in case you shatter his dreams. He would rather be a part of your life with you not noticing him, than tell you and risk you leaving. He hides behind the part of boss, never letting anyone see his pain. And he would rather die, than live in a world without you."

"I never realised." Sandra sobbed. The old man looked at her sadly and gave her a gentle smile. He had the same eyes as Robert, and the same shy smile. She turned to ask Mary, but the older woman beat her to it.

"That's his Grandfather, Lawrence Cavendish. He is probably the only person who every really loved Robert. He died when Robert was six. The poor boy was given into the 'care' of his stepfather." Sandra could tell by the venom attached to the word 'care' that it had been anything but. As she watched, Rob and his Grandfather faded from sight.

"Noooo! I need to talk to him!" She cried.

"It's time to move on." Mary told her, as the scene of chaos faded into blackness.

/

Authors note; I meant to get this chapter up last night. Sorry, I wasn't happy with it so I did some editing.


	5. Chapter 5

Those who love you most

Disclaimer; They belong to the BBC. If they were mine, there would be 22 episodes in a series.

"Can't you put your foot down!" Gerry nagged, as Jack weaved in and out of the evening traffic, they were still a few miles away from the hospital and the journey had been spent in virtual silence so far, nobody wanted voice the fears which were running through their minds.

"No I can't. I'm going as fast as I can in this traffic." Jack replied, an edge to his voice. Gerry pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah I know, Sorry. I'm just .. Well .. I could murder a fag." He apologised. Esther leaned forward and squeezed his shoulder. Brian sat next to her, clasping her hand like it was the only thing which was keeping him sane.

Gerry looked out of the window into the driving rain, he kept on running the day through his mind. He remembered the argument he had been having with his friends over which case they were going to look at next. To be honest, he hadn't really cared but it was fun to wind the others up. He remembered the exasperated look on Sandra's face as she tried to restore order. Then the sly little smirk as she looked past them to the door. He had known then who was standing behind them, and had gone quiet, letting Jack and Brian keep the quarrel going. Sandra had coughed gently and indecated to the man standing behind them, Strickland had been leaning against the door frame, his hands in his pockets, an amused look on his face. It had been one of those rare moments when his two bosses had enjoyed a moment of humour, even if it had been at their expense.

The moment hadn't lasted long, Sandra had blown a gasket when he had told her about the conference, and then when she had grabbed her coat and bag and stormed past them, declaring that she was driving, Gerry thought about how he had playfully punched the man on the shoulder and wished him 'Good luck'.

Strickland. The man was a complete enigma to him. One minute he was irritating the hell out of them, then he would be buying them a pint in the pub. Gerry tried to list all of the things they knew about him. High flyer, politically aware, married, divorced, two kids with daft names, kicked out of the army... that was about it. Not much for nearly four years of knowing the man. Gerry also knew that their boss carried a torch for the guv'nor. This made him smile, he was pretty sure that Sandra had no idea, despite the hints that he had dropped from time to time, teasing her about their boss 'fancying' her, she always dismissed him straight away, usually blushing. 'The lady doth protest too much' he had told her once. That had resulted in a dead arm.

"Gerry!" Jack's voice brought him out of his reverie. He smiled at his friend.

"Sorry, million miles away."

"I could tell. I said we're nearly there." Jack paused, "Thinking about Sandra?" Gerry nodded.

"Yeah, I was thinking about how she was this morning, how she and Strickers were teasing us." He stopped, a lump gathered in his throat and he had to look away, to hide the tears which were threatening to fall.

"Me too." Jack whispered. "She's a fighter, she won't give up."

"Why are you listed as Mr Strickland's next of kin?" Esther asked from the back seat. "And exactly which one of you would it be?" The three men hadn't thought of that.

"Well, I suppose that if he listed UCOS, then it would work on train of command." Brian muttered. "Sandra would be first choice, but since she's.. well... you know, then it must be Jack. He's the next highest rank." Jack let out a breath.

"Oh bloody hell!" He let out a breath. "Why us?"

"He doesn't have anybody else." Brian stated, as if it was obvious.

"What do you mean?" Gerry asked.

"His parents are dead, no other immediate family. He's estranged from his ex-wife and kids." Brian shrugged. "It's all in his personel file, except the bit about his wife and kids, and that's common knowledge."

"Not that common, I didn't know about them." Gerry said.

"Or me." Jack added.

"How did you know love?" Esther asked him. Brian looked at her.

"I asked him. He looked as if something was bothering him, so I asked him what was up." Brian couldn't understand the bemused look from his two comrades. "What?"

"You just asked him, and he told you? Just like that?" Gerry asked, not quite believing it.

"Yeah, why wouldn't he?" Brian really didn't understand why they found it so hard to believe.

"But he never told any of you?" Esther interrupted, before they could fall into another argument "About you being his next of kin."

"No, he may have told Sandra of course." Jack replied. "Oh, we're here."

He pulled into the first parking space he could find and they all barrelled out of the car. It wasn't more than a few minutes before they stood in front of the accident and emergency receptionist, the three men breathing hard. Esther looked from one to another before shaking her head. She smiled at the girl behind the desk.

"Hello, we were told some friends of ours have been brought in. Sandra Pullman and Robert Strickland, they were in a car accident." The girl tapped at her keyboard before looking up at them.

"Yes, Ms Pullman has already been transfered to intensive care. Mr Strickland is still in theatre. Are you family?"

"We're next of kin." Gerry confirmed. He wasn't going to be kept waiting in the corridor.

"I thought Ms Pullman's mother was already with her." The girl frowned. Jack interupted.

"Grace is here already? Is she alright?" He asked , concerned. "If you point us in the right direction, we'll join her. I trust you will let us know when Robert comes out of surgery?"

The girl looked flustered for a moment before assuring them that she would, before directing them to the ICU. When they arrived, they saw Grace Pullman sitting as still as a statue beside a bed. Gerry hardly recognised the figure in the bed. Her blonde hair looked limp, her beautiful face was swollen, and marred by a huge purple bruise covering the right side. A bandage was wrapped around her head like a turban, a crimson stain starting to appear as it soaked through. What parts of her wern't bruised, were covered in tubes, and machines bleeped and chirped beside the bed, keeping time with her heart, and her breathing. Jack laid a hand on Grace's shoulder. She reached up and grasped his hand.

"What have they said?" He asked. Grace kept a grip on his hand as she stood.

"She's holding her own. But the doctors can't do any more. It's up to her now. The doctor said that the longer she stays in a coma, the chances of her coming through this get less." Just then the nurse came over to them.

"You asked about Robert Strickland?" She gave them a shy smile. Brian nodded. "He's on his way down now. The doctor will fill you in when they get here." She left them alone as she busied herself in the space next to Sandra's bed, obviously getting ready for the new arrival. A few minutes later, the double doors opened and a team of surgical staff and doctors wheeled another bed into position alongside them. They bustled around for a while, connecting wires, and tubes up to machines, then a few at a time the filtered away, just leaving a couple of nurses making the patient as

comfortable as possible. The five observers could only stand in shock as they watched the figure on the bed being tended. His body and face were swathed in dressings and bandages, the few visible patches of skin were purple and bruised. Hardly an inch of his upper body had been left unmarked. Esther turned and buried her face in her husbands chest, he wrapped his arms around her, seeking as much comfort as she was. Grace and Jack looked at each other. He squeezed the hand she was still holding. Gerry approached the bed, unable to take his eyes off the man lying on the perfect white sheets. The doctor approached them.

"I take it you are family?" He asked. Gerry nodded. "I won't lie to you. Mr Strickland is in very serious condition. At the moment we have him on total life support. Due to the chest injuries he suffered, we have the machines doing the job of his major vital organs. We have repaired all the damage we can, now we just have to wait and hope."

"Will they be alright?" Gerry whispered. The doctor looked at the two beds. He looked back to Gerry and the others, his face sympathetic.

"If you are a religious man, now would be a good time to pray."


	6. Chapter 6

Those who love you most

Disclaimer: New tricks does not belong to me, but if the BBC wants to do a swap, my kids have some moshi monster doubles.

A big huge thankyou to all those reading my stories for all the lovely feedback. You are the reason I keep writing. xxx

A few short chapters will follow, hopefully in quick succession.

/

"C'mon Sandra, I know you can hear me. We need you to wake up now. Four days is enough sleep for anyone." Gerry whispered, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. He looked over to the other bed where the machines beeped and wheezed, breaking the silence of the room. Sandra's monitors also beeped, adding to the mechanical orchestra, laying out the heartbeats of the two occupants of the room for all to hear. He sighed and looked at the clock, it was nearly ten in the evening, it was going to be another long night. Since the two had been brought into the room four days before, the UCOS team had decided that they would all take shifts, so that there would always be somebody with them. Gerry knew that this couldn't go on indefinately, sooner or later the powers that be would expect them to get the unit running again, with or without Sandra and Strickland.

He looked over to the boss. When he had found out that they had been listed as his next of kin, he had been surprised but hadn't really paid it much attention, he figured that as soon as they notified his ex, or his brother, one or the other would have turned up to take over. He had been shocked at the complete lack of concern showed by both. His brother had just asked that 'he be kept notified of any new developements' and the ex-wife had simply informed them that 'it was no concern of hers' and that she 'didn't want to upset the children's routine and take them out of school'.

"Poor bastard." He muttered to himself. He remembered a few months before, when Strickland had roped him into singing with the band for a kid's charity. He had been reluctant at first, but after a few practices, he had actually really enjoyed himself, and the band hadn't sounded half bad. They had cranked out several of Gerry's all time favourite, including 'she's not there', and Stricker's hadn't done a half bad job of the guitar solo. They'd even done one of Bad Faith's classics 'Real wild woman'. After the gig, they'd all agreed that they should do another some time.

"I hope we get the chance, Guv." He whispered, watching the mechanical rise and fall of the man's chest, as the machine pushed air in and out of his lungs. He had had plenty of time to look back over the past few years. When he had first met Strickland, he had taken an almost immediate dislike to the bloke, it wasn't really the posh accent, or the political agendas. Gerry had taken against the man because he was competition.

Back then, Gerry had carried a bit of a torch for Sandra. After he had gotten over his first impressions of her, he had fancied his chances for a while,

but he had come to realise that she needed a stability he was no good at, his track record with women was pretty useless, and he had soon come to love her too much to risk hurting her. Then he had realised that he loved her in a completely different way, she was family, like a little sister to him, which of course had meant that he still hadn't liked Strickland sniffing around her after his marriage had gone to the wall. Not that Sandra couldn't take care of herself, she was more that a match for him. Gerry smiled to himself, he had been witness to some cracking arguments between the two of them. He had to give Strickers credit for that, the man would stand his ground when most blokes would have scuttled away carrying their balls in a basket.

'Balls!' Gerry almost laughed out loud when he remembered an incident from about three weeks before, they had re-opened the case of a homeless man who had been beaten to death in a shelter eleven years before. The original investigation had been half hearted at best, and they had found endless loose ends. The gang had been in the office along with the DAC when the original officer in charge, now a DAC himself had come storming in demanding to know why they were picking holes in his investigations. Gerry recalled the 'conversation' with a smile.

_"You think this is funny don't you, taking old cases and making us look stupid!" DAC Tim Spencer, red faced and furious shouted at the room in general._

_"You made yourself look stupid Tim, first by trying to block us from a valid case, then by coming in here trying to throw your weight about. If you had done an even half way decent job first time around, we wouldn't be here at all." Strickland had defended them, taking them all by surprise._

_"We had a missing teenager, two other murders, several high profile burglaries and a serial flasher all at the same time. The murder of one tramp by another tramp didn't rate very highly at the time."_

_"If you had done your jobs, you'd have found discovered that your 'tramp' was actually an aspiring actor who was trying to get into character. That he was married with three small children, who have spent the last eleven years wondering where their Daddy went." Sandra had interupted with venom. Spencer had rounded on her._

_"The trouble with you Pullman, is that you hate the fact that no matter how hard you try, you'll never have what's neccessary to be one of the top cops, 'cause in the end you just don't have a pair of balls." Spencer looked smug as she turned away, the boys had all been ready to leap to her defence when she had turned back to him with a look on her face which would have dropped a rampaging bull elephant._

_"Is that what you think?" She took a step towards him, he took a step back, "Well let me tell you something. I have balls, I just happen to wear them on my chest, and I can assure you, they are bigger than yours!" She had continued to advance on him, forcing him backwards until his legs hit the sofa, making him stumble back and sit down on it with a thump._

_"R..r..really Robert, are you going to let her speak to a superior officer like this!" He stammered. Strickland had smiled._

_"You wanted to play balls. And you're not a superior officer, you just happen to have a higher rank. I think this conversation is over, don't you. I think you know where the door is." With that he turned his back on the flustered man and centred his attention on the white board. Spencer had left with his tail between his legs. The three retired detectives in the room had all looked at each other, half in shock, half wanting to punch the air and high five. Sandra had turned to their boss._

_"Thank you sir." She had breathed. Trying to calm herself down. He turned and smiled at her._

_"I didn't say anything that wasn't true. I'm just glad it wasn't me getting a roasting for once." She laughed, and patted him on the arm, a friendly gesture which she had used on the three older men countless times, but Gerry hadn't failed to notice that the innocent gesture had made Strickland blush. He had lowered his eyes, muttering some excuse about having an appointment and leaving them in peace. As the door had swung shut behind him, Gerry had winked at Jack before putting on a serious face._

_"That was out of order." He had dead panned. Sandra had stared at him in confusion._

_"What?" She asked confused._

_"Leading the poor man on like that." Gerry's face had cracked, and he had been unable to hold back the laugh which he had been smothering. Jack and Brian had joined in with the laughter. Sandra tutted and turned back to the board. "I'm serious!" Gerry exclaimed. "You know he fancies you."_

_"Oh grow up!" Sandra had exclaimed before they had all erupted into laughter again._

Gerry sighed, the memory of that moment bringing tears to his eyes. He had continued with the teasing on and off for some time, until Sandra had threatened him with physical bodily harm. He remembered all the times she had stood up for him, protected him, all the times she had given him a good bollocking when he had really needed it. And all the times they had laughed together. He took hold of her hand again.

"Please Sandra, you need to pull through this, you're one of the few people who I've worked with who gave me a chance, and didn't listen to all the crap that's been spread about me. You believed in me and let me prove myself, not just to you and the others in the team, but to myself as well. And I've learned so much by being around you, I'm a better person now. And I promise, if you come back to us, I'll be nicer to him," He nodded towards the other bed, "He's not so bad when he's not being a tosser, and although it's hard for me to admit, you'd be good together." He kissed her hand.

"C'mon sweetheart. Don't leave us...Please."

/

Authors note; More soon.


	7. Chapter 7

Those who love you most

Disclaimer; The BBC own New tricks, I'm just taking it for a walk.

Brian jerked awake as his head nodded forward, he shifted in the moulded plastic seat, trying to restore the blood flow to his bum, which had gone completely numb. He stood and wandered around the room, flexing his arms and stretching, he cast his eyes over the beds.

"It's alright for you two, you got comfy beds. When you get better, I'm going to challenge you to sleep in one of these bloody seats." He went and stood between the two patients. "Esther will come by in a bit. She's going to bring me some sandwiches." He paused, waiting in vain for some kind of sarcastic answer. He ran his hands across his eyes. "Oh boody hell! Will you just wake up, People already think I'm mad, if they see me talking to you while you're still asleep, they'll think I've completely lost the plot."

He moved the chair so that he could sit between the two beds.

"Please Sandra, I need you to wake up. Don't leave me alone with those other two silly buggers." He brushed the normally golden hair out of her face, it felt limp and lifeless, he brushed his hand across her forehead. "Truth is, I don't think I'll be able to keep going without you. You've given me a reason to carry on, without you I'd have probably been back on the booze by now, and I'd have certainly lost my Esther if that had happened. "He watched the monitors, the coloured lines jumping up and down, in time with the bleeps, unlike most of the visitors who had been by, he understood the readouts. He understood that, apart from being unconscious, Sandra's lines were all pretty normal, physically there was no real reason for her to have not woken yet.

He sighed and turned to look at the other monitor

Strickland's on the other hand were anything but normal, he had questioned the staff at length, about the readouts and numbers displayed. He now understood why the ventilator was controlling his lungs, allowing the damage done by numerous broken ribs to heal, and he knew there was a good reason why the cardio-vascular units were making his heart beat, pushing the blood around his body, keeping the vital organ from getting over stressed. He watched the third line on the monitor, this the most important of all, brain activity, if that line goes flat, then the machines all get switched off. He watched the little yellow line, little jumps now and again signaling that the boss was still there.

"Don't worry mate, I'm not going to make any sarcastic comments about looking for brain activity, I'll leave that to the others, besides, I can't talk, if they hooked me up to that thing, I'd probably fry the wiring. Any way, I know there's more to you than you let on. I've seen your service record. It's impressive. Don't worry, I havn't told any of the others, If you want to let people underestimate you, that's your business. I don't know why you hide from us though, I mean, look at us, Gerry is a compulsive womaniser and gambler with more shady contacts that the mafia, Jack talks to and takes advice from his dead wife, and me, well where do I start? I'd probably be in the funny farm by now, or murdered by Esther. We're not exactly conventional. You don't have to worry about fitting in, or looking right with us, we take people as they are. Especially her." He nodded towards Sandra, "If she can put up with us, she can handle anything you could throw at her." He bent forward and whispered into Stricklands ear. "I know what you do for us, how you have to fight to keep them from cutting our budget, I know how much crap you had to take from them upstairs when Jack went awol, and I remember the crap you took from us at that time. And I know how much you had to fight to get him back in. I've got my share of contacts you see, the AC's personal assistant used to be the collator when I was in the murder squad... And I know how in the past you've paid expenses out of your own pocket rather than get the accountants involved, like when Gerry and me had our coats dry cleaned after we got plastered with mud in the woods, I know for a fact that you paid for that, the dry cleaners gave me the receipt when we picked 'em up." He sat back and watched the younger man for a moment. "The fact is, I've got used to you. I don't want another boss, and I know Sandra 'ere would prefer it if you stuck around, she likes you, she doesn't give you half as much grief as she used to give Bevan. We're family you see, and that includes you. I don't know why you put us down as your kin, but I'm telling you now, we'll look after you." He sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, clearing away the tears which had started to run down his face. He jumped as a hand rested gently on his shoulder. He looked up into the face of his long suffering wife. He sniffled again, trying to hide his tears.

"Oh, Hello love, I didn't hear you come in." He tried to put on a brave face, Esther smiled, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She placed a soft kiss on top of his head.

"It's ok Brian, you don't have to hide from me, you know that." She whispered. She held her husband as he wept. He wept for the woman they had come to love as family, and he wept for the man who had become family so quietly, that they hadn't even noticed.


	8. Chapter 8

Those who love you most

Disclaimer; New tricks belongs to the BBC. But if the characters are being written out of the show, does that mean we can have them?

Not many chapters to go now.

The rain pelted against the window, reminding Jack of the evening, five days before when they had first arrived at the hospital. He stood and looked out of the window, he watched the car headlights moving along the main road, looking like regements of fireflies in the dark of the evening. He had turned the lights down in the room, the stark hospital lighting had started to give him a headache. He had bought his little radio in and it was playing classical music softly, he knew Sandra liked to relax to a bit of classical music, and although he didn't really know a lot about Stricklands taste in music, he did strike Jack as the classical type.

He looked around the room, Esther had worked a bit of her magic earlier in the day, bless her. There was a huge vase of flowers, picked out of Esther and Brian's garden. And there were photographs on the table, one of Sandra and the team, and one of Strickland and his children, Esther had brought them in from the patients respective homes where she had spent the last couple of days, first at Sandra's flat, then at Stricklands house, emptying the fridges and cupboards of any perishable food, clearing any fruit, veg or salad, which would go bad if left. She emptied the bins and disinfected them, and generally giving both homes a good clean. She even cleared all the dirty laundry away. Jack remembered how she had done the same for him. When he had come home after his brief exile, he had found his home clean and welcoming, when he had thanked her, she had simply told him, 'nothing worse than coming home to a house that smells like a cross between a rubbish tip and a laundry'.

He knew that Grace had helped her, the two women had become very good friends over the last few days. Grace had refused to leave her daughter's side for the first couple of days, but the stress had triggered a flare up of her Meniere's disease and he had managed to persuade her to return to Whitemead with the promise that there would alway be somebody with Sandra, and that each day, one of them would pick her up and bring her to the hospital, to sit with her only child.

Jack smiled to himself, he turned to watch the woman he had come to love like a daughter as she lay motionless, he wandered over and took her hand in his.

"She always loved you you know, she just felt so hurt and angry when your father killed himself, I don't think she wanted you to sense that. I think it took a lot out of her, keeping up the lie, letting you carry on believing in him after he had hurt her so much. But if you could have seen her when we first arrived last friday evening, I've never seen her so lost. She acts strong and independant, but in the end you're still her little girl, you always will be." He sighed. "Oh Sandra, why won't you come back to us? We need you to come back to us. The Commissioner has appointed a stand in for Str.. Robert." He remembered to use the man's name, they had all decided that it seemed more appropriate than calling him 'Strickers' or 'the boss' but it was taking some getting used to.

"Emily rang and told us. No-ones very happy about it apparently, but the Commissioner believes that the station needs to get back to normal as quickly as possible. And it would seem that our Robert here is actually a very effective manager, place has been falling apart for the last few days without him. I'm afraid that they'll try to replace you if you don't wake up soon. Either that or they'll close the unit altogether, I don't want you to come back to us only to find that everything we've worked to build has gone." He laid the hand back down on the bed gently, tucking the blanket in around her, he felt the emotions welling up inside, a hollow, dead feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh Sandra sweetheart. You know Mary and me never had any children, it wasn't because we didn't want any, it just never happened for us. But since that moment when you were fourteen and your life fell apart, I've watched you grow and flourish, becoming someone that I'm very proud of, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that I love you as if you were mine. I'd be the proudest man in the world if you ever considered me as a father figure to you. I'm just sorry I've left it untill now to tell you." He glanced over to the other bed. Then turned to her again. "Did you know about the next of kin thing? Had you and he spoken about it at all? The other two were quick enough to decide I am the senior member of the team, so that makes him my responsibility. I called his brother this morning. Step-brother, he corrected me. Bastard isn't at all interested." He wandered over and stood beside the bed. He brushed some unruly hair away from the man's temple. "That's looking a bit better today, a lot less frankenstein's monster." He was refering to the four inch stitched gash across Robert's forehead, there was also another slightly smaller gash running along his jawline, and a longer one running from just in front of his left ear, down under his chin. Jack remembered when the man had first been brought up from surgery, the wounds had been swollen, and bruised, making him almost unrecognisable. He looked down at the other injuries, the left arm in plaster after being broken in three places, and his chest, still swathed in dressings where the surgeons had to repair his damaged lungs and practically rebuilt Robert's rib cage. The machines which held the man's life in the balance beeped and wheezed, competing with the low music playing in the backgroung. Jack took hold of Robert's hand. "And as for you. I've seen the video footage, the whole thing was filmed by the motorway cameras, you tried to shield her. You threw your body across her and took the brunt of it. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for protecting her, for trying to keep her safe for us." He paused, his eyes watering up, "Brian did a search, we figured that there must be someone who cares for you, somewhere. I'm so sorry. I wish your stepfather was still alive so that I could kill him for what he did to you. It's funny that we associate abuse like that to the poorest in society, we never consider that a rich child can be brutalised. I'm sorry that no-one ever helped you, or saw what was going on." He gripped the hand in both of his. "You know, you're only a few months older than Sandra, and if I'm old enough to be her father, that means I'm old enough to be yours. And let me tell you this, if you were mine, I'd never have let that monster get away with what he did. If I am to be your next of kin, then be assured, it's not just going to be for the sake of paperwork. If I do this, then I'm going to do it properly. I'll take care of you. We all will." He put the hand back on the bed, again he adjusted the blankets and did his best to make the man look comfortable. He wiped the moisture from his eyes with the back of his hand and went back to the window. After looking out into the driving rain for a few minutes he raised his face up towards the sky.

"Help them Mary, help them come back to us." He pleaded, before letting out a sigh and resting his forehead against the cold glass. A bolt of lightning lit up the night sky followed by a clap of thunder which made him jump. He turned away from the window and looked at his sleeping 'children', only to come face to face with a pair of blue eyes, he gasped and pressed the nurses button before grasping the outstretched hand. He had to strain to hear the quiet, pained voice, dry through disuse, whisper.

"Jack?"

He couldn't help it, he started to cry.

/

Authors note. Sorry if this is a bit soppy. I think Jack has a soft side. Who lives? Who dies? Find out in the next chapter. Feedback may get it written faster!


	9. Chapter 9

Those who love you most

Disclaimer: New tricks belongs to the BBC, I only own the box set.

Warning! Major tissue warning.

/

Time was different here, Sandra had soon realised that. She knew several days had passed for her, as she had watched people coming and going, but to her it had seemed more like she was watching episodes of a tv programme, or reading chapters of a story. It was as if she was getting the important bits, the bits which she was meant to see.

She had seen when the Commissioner had visited, and had solemnly held her mother's hand and offered her his sincere condolences. Condolences, she was still here for God sake! She had wanted to grab him by the throat and shake him, shouting 'do I feel dead to you!' Her mother had simple thanked him for his concern, but condolences were not necessary as she would be waking up soon enough. Her mother had been here every day, and Sandra had watched as she had talked to her as she brushed her hair, or occasionally sung the silly little song she could vaguely remember from her childhood about a mouse and a windmill. Sandra had wanted to embrace her mother, to tell her that it would all be fine, that she wanted to try again to smooth out their differences. But she couldn't, she couldn't even touch her. Sandra could only think of the irony of the situation, here she was for the first time really needing to give her mother her love, and she couldn't even be heard.

She had watched other visitors come and go, most from the station, just coming by out of a sense of duty, to drop off a card or some flowers. Some of her friends came by, they sat and chatted, talked to her about who was doing what with who, and generally gossiping. That had felt strange, an almost normal conversation as if they were sitting in her living room with a cup of coffee and a box of thorntons, with the mechanical sounds standing in for the music which would have normally been playing in the background.

One of the things which had struck her the most was that besides the high ranking police officials who had only come to fulfill some kind of obligation, all of the visitors had been for her. No-one had come for him, not his brother, or his nephew. No sign of his ex-wife and nothing from his children. She had found herself standing over him, wishing he would open his eyes for her, that he would know that one person cared.

Of course, her team had been there throughout, standing guard over the two of them like soldiers guarding their posts. She had heard the words spoken by her adopted family, seen the tears shed for her and felt the love they had for her. She was glad they had also given their love to Robert, she hoped more than anything that he could hear them, that he would realise that they did care for him, that he was a part of their strange little family, that he was loved.

She had listened as Gerry had told her that she and Robert would be good together, she had smiled fondly, he had often teased her about Robert being sweet on her, a bit like an older brother teasing his kid sister. She had watched as he had cried, and as he had held her hand, pleading with her to wake up and come back to them. It had almost broken her heart and she had just wanted to reach out and wrap her arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be alright.

She had watched as Brian had begged her not to leave them, and she had been shocked and surprised when she had heard him talking to Robert, finding out how her boss had helped them quietly, without fuss. He had protected them from closure and cuts, and he had kept the accountants from the door, all without any kind of acknowledgement, in fact, they had always thought the worst of him. She had smiled as Brian had promised to look after Rob, and had cried with him as he had wept in Esther's arms.

Mary had been with her throughout, giving her comfort and support. Sandra had watched with tears falling down her face as Mary had stood behind Jack, looking at him with such a look of love as he had stood watch over her, and it was as if Jack was aware of her, he alway seemed to be more at ease when his Mary was stood next to him.

And now she was watching as Jack stood over them, the passion in his voice as he told her how proud he was of her filled her with warmth, and she was shocked by the anger in him as he spoke to Rob about his childhood. Mary had left her side to go and stand next to her husband as he promised to look after them both. He turned his back on them and went and stood by the window, looking out into the night.

"It's time for you to go back." Mary whispered to her. She shook her head.

"I can't." She replied. Mary turned her so they were face to face. She took hold of Sandra's hands.

"You must, you've been here too long already." She explained gently, Sandra lowered her eyes, still shaking her head.

"No! How can I? How can I go back knowing that as soon as I do, he will die. As soon as I wake up, those machines will stop and I will lose him before we've even had a chance to be friends, or maybe even more. I've got so many feelings and emotions rolling around in my head, everything I believed about him has been turned upsidedown. I need to talk to him." She looked into the older woman's face, her eyes imploring her to understand. Mary sighed.

"He's here. Like you he's been watching for the last few days." As she spoke, the figure of the man she wanted to see so badly came into her line of sight, the old man was still with him. The old man whispered an pointed in her direction. She watched as Robert looked confused for a second, then his face came alight as she became visible to him. He was suddenly beside her, he raised his hands to her face and gently wiped away the tears which had started to fall down her cheeks with his thumbs. She slid her arms around his back and for a moment they just stood, holding each other, trying to squeeze as much in to the moment as they could.

"It's not fair." She sobbed into his chest. He held onto her tightly, and kissed the top of her head.

"Life is rarely fair." He whispered into her hair. He drew back and smiled at her. He caressed her face with his hands, as if committing every detail to his memory. "Sandra, I need you to listen. You need to go back now. You need to survive." He could see she was about to argue and put one finger on her lips to silence her. "They need you. You are the glue which holds them together. And although over the past few days I've realised that they do care for me, the fact is, they love you. And so do I. I don't want to live in a world without you, and it may hurt for a while, but you will soon forget about me, as will they." He put his forehead against hers. "Please Sandra." He pleaded. She shook her head softly.

"I can't, I don't want to lose you so soon after finding you." She sobbed. He smiled. He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her softly on the lips. She pulled him back into the embrace, they clung to each other for a moment, neither wanting to let go. Robert could hear her crying, he gently rubbed her back.

"Sandra, It's alright. Shh it's ok. One day, many years from now, when you come back here when you're old and grey, I'll be waiting for you.

She nodded slowly. She didn't want to go, she wanted to stay here forever, it had suddenly struck her that she did love him, but she could feel the pull in the pit of her stomach, the draw of the real world.

"I really don't have a choice do I?" She realised. Robert shook his head. Her head began to swim. She watched as Mary and Lawrence faded from view, the arms holding her drew away, and she reached to recapture him, he shook his head, taking several steps backwards. The light began to fade and as she lost sight of him she heard his voice.

"I'll be one of those who love you most."

/

She became aware of the sound of classical music. She opened her eyes trying to regain her senses. She could see a figure stood by the window.

He turned and gasped as he saw her looking at him.

"Jack." She managed to rasp. He hit the nurses buzzer before grabbing hold of the hand that she hadn't realised she had been holding out to him. She looked to her left and saw the figure which made her heart break, she let out a sob and a dam inside her broke, letting lose the tears. The room filled with medical personel and the next couple of hours passed in a blur of activity, until the doctors smiled and told her she was going to be fine. Inside she knew she would never feel fine again. She watched Robert's monitors for any sign that they were going to lose him, waiting for the dreadful moment he would be gone.

It wasn't long before the others arrived. Esther and Brian, and Gerry and Grace, they all rushed in and told her in varying ways that they were relieved she had come back to them. They all kept on shooting worried glances at each other as she silently watched the other bed, she couldn't tell them what had happened, she wasn't even sure how much of it was real. She just couldn't shake the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Suddenly the monitors went haywire, the alarms sounded and the room filled with nurses and doctors for the second time that evening. Robert started to convulse, arching off the bed. They worked frantically until one doctor said.

"Turn off the ventillator and cardiac unit. Get that tube out of his throat." He commanded. Sandra was in floods of tears, as were all of the family. The doctor turned to them, he saw the looks on their faces and smiled softly. "It's ok. He's fighting the machines, he doesn't need them anymore."

/

Rob watched the reunion with mixed emotions, on one hand he was relieved that she had survived and was back with her 'family', on the other hand he was full of regret that they would never get the chance to be together. He felt an arm on his shoulder.

"C'mon lad, it's time for you to go as well." Rob smiled at his grandfather.  
"What do I do, do I just wait here?" He questioned. The old man smiled.

"No, It's time for you to go back... to her..." He let the words sink in. Robert turned to him in shock.

"But you said one would die." Robert whispered.

"And he did. The lorry driver was killed at the scene." Lawrence answered.

"Why didn't you say? why put us through that?" He asked. The old man smiled.

"Because you both needed to see what you did. We had the opportunity to help you see things more clearly." Rob shook his head, a smile creeping onto his face, he turned and embraced his grandfather. The old man returned the gesture before breaking away. "Now go on, and I don't want to see you again until your at least as old as me."

/

Rob was aware of voices, and of lights. And by God he hurt! He cracked his eyes open a fraction, trying to ignore the thunderous pain rocketing through his head. He could see the doctors and nurses bustling about, he moved his head slightly so he could look to his right. He could see the team, all standing, watching, holding their breaths. Grace was clutching Sandra's hand, and he made eye contact with her, light blue met dark blue, she was crying with relief and happiness, he gave her a small smile as exhaustion gripped him and he gave in to a natural healing sleep.

/

Authors Note: What? You didn't really think I was going to kill him did you? One more chapter to go, a bit of an epilogue really.


	10. Chapter 10

Those who love you most

Disclaimer; New Tricks belong to the BBC. Not me. _Sigh._

Sorry, this isn't the epilogue, my muse insisted on another chapter first.

Robert sat looking out of the window of his hospital room, he had a fabulous view of the park below, and he could see people going about their day. Even though it was still only mid morning, it was promising to be a rare day of summer sunshine. He had been moved out of ICU a week before into this lovely private room, he had a television, his kindle and todays newspaper, but the one thing he really wanted to see had been absent since he had fully regained consciousness. Sandra. He had last seen her in those first few moments when he had woken in the intensive care unit, he had drifted in and out of it for several days, barely able to string two thoughts together in the drug induced stupor he had been kept in. In that time, she had been assessed by the doctors and released from hospital after they concluded she had received no permanant damage in the crash and she was fully recovered. He had been visited on and off by the others, Gerry, Brian and Jack had kept him up to date with goings on at the station. They had told him that the new bloke was bloody useless, and that everyone was counting the days until he got back to restore order. They had chatted to him, about sport, news television, anything but Sandra. Any time he asked about her, they just told him she was fine and then changed the subject.

He sighed and put his head back on the pillow, he closed his eyes and remembered what he could of his 'dream'. He had no idea whether what he had experienced was real, or whether Sandra had actually been with him, or whether it had just been a fantasy of his own making while trapped inside his own mind.

He heard the door open, he wondered if he just kept his eyes closed the person would think he was asleep and go away, he really wasn't in the mood for company. He heard the door close and a chair move, no such luck then. He opened his eyes and saw Jack sitting beside the bed, a small smug grin on his face.

"You really think you can play possum with me?" He asked.

"No. I'm just not in a very sociable mood today." Robert admitted. He tried to straighten himself up, but gave up as sharp pains ran up and down his chest. It had been nearly four weeks since the accident, yet he still felt like he had been ten rounds with a prize fighter. He slumped back, with a grimace. He jumped slightly as he felt the older mans hands slide under his arms.

"Lean forward." Jack told him, then helped him sit up straighter, re-arranging the pillows behind the younger man, then helping him sit back.

"Thank you." Robert whispered, breathing hard with the exertion. Jack smiled.

"Anytime." He sat back down. "That twit Collard messed up the expenses again." He commented, filling the silence. Robert smiled.

"Better the twit you know." He commented dryly. Jack gave him a small smile.

"That was before. I think everybody appreciates you a bit more now." He replied. Robert laughed.

"If only I'd known that all it would take is nearly being finished off in a car wreck." He closed his eyes again. Jack eyed the man on the bed with worry.

"You seem very down today. What's wrong?" Robert shook his head slightly. "Come on." Jack probed. Robert sighed.

"How's Sandra?" He asked. It was the same question he asked every time anyone visited.

"She's fine." came the standard reply. He watched as Robert's face fell. "She comes back to work today. She's just doing half days today, tomorrow and Friday, then she's going to start back full time next week." Jack smiled, "When she turns up today, there will be a huge bouquet of flowers delivered for her, the whole station had chipped in." Robert gave him a sad smile.

"That's good." He whispered softly. He closed his eyes and turned his face away as he couldn't stop several tears from falling down his cheek. He wasn't quick enough though, Jack saw them.

"What is it?" He insisted, he perched on the edge of the bed so that Robert couldn't ignore him. As Robert looked back at him, Jack gasped at the look of utter despair on the man's face. "What is it," he echoed, "please tell me." Robert closed his eyes.

"I just want to see her." He whispered, "I just need to see her." Jack sighed.

"I know, I've suggested she come and see you, but I think she blames herself."

"I don't blame her. I... I..." He stopped, he couldn't tell Jack, he couldn't tell anybody. For all he knew, the scenes he witnessed while in a coma could have been complete fiction, in fact it was more probable that his unconscious mind had created the delusion, and that in reality, she still didn't give a rat's arse about him. "I'm tired, I think I'll sleep if that's ok." He lied. Jack saw the lie, but he knew that he needed to be somewhere else, so he stood. He patted Robert's shoulder.

"You rest. I'll come back a bit later." He made his way out of the door, as it closed he glanced back through the little window. His heart broke in two as he watched the younger man break down. Tears rolled down the bruised face and his shoulders shook as he sobbed uncontrolably. Jack rushed back into the room and pulled the man into a bear hug, whispering into his ear like he was comforting a small child.

"Shhh, it's ok. It's ok son." He spoke softly, Robert eventually gave in to exhaustion and drifted to sleep. Jack arranged the pillows and settled him back on them. As he pulled the covers up, he made a vow to himself and the sleeping man. "Whatever it is, we'll get it sorted. I'll get to the bottom of this, I promise."

/

A little bit later he wandered into the UCOS office, Brian and Gerry sat at their desks, looking through the contents of their latest case. Both men looked up as he entered.

"Morning." Gerry greeted him.

"How's the boss this morning?" Brian asked. He frowned as Jack's face fell.

"Not so good. He's was very down. Cried like a baby on me. I don't know..." He trailed off.

"He seemed to be doing so well." Gerry observed. "What caused it, do you know?"

"All I know is it's something to do with Sandra. Where is she by the way?" He could see the enormous bunch of flowers on Sandra's desk, but there was no sign of Sandra.

"Up in Collard's... Up with Collard." Brian refused to refer to Strickland's office as Collard's.

"She should be back soon." Gerry added as he made the teas. At that moment the lady in question returned. She sighed as she made it back to her haven. Gerry handed her a cup.

"Oh, thanks." She smiled. "I've missed this." She saw Jack had arrived. "Hi, How is he?" Jack stood and took his mug from Gerry.

"Can we talk?" He asked her, cryptically. She frowned and nodded. He perched on the edge of his desk as the other three sat on the sofa, Sandra sandwiched between the other two. "Robert was in a bad way this morning." He paused as she sat up, worry written all over her face. He held up his hands. "Physically he's alright, making progress, though it's obvious we're going to put up with calamity Collard for a while yet. Mentally It's another matter. He's broken, and I think the only one who can fix him is you." He fixed Sandra with his eyes, she gulped and looked as though she wanted to bolt for the door. "What don't we know?"

"I don't know what you mean." She stumbled.

"There's something we're missing. He wouldn't say either. Did something happen before the crash? Why won't you even go and see him?"

Sandra sat looking into her tea. How did she tell them, how could she explain what happened to them, when she couldn't explain it to herself, she didn't even know if what happened was real.

"I don't know how to explain." She admitted to them. Her voice was quiet, lost like a small child.

"Try." Gerry held her hand. "In your own words, we'll see if we can make sense of it afterwards."

"Do you believe there is anything there, after we die?" She asked cryptically. The men all looked at each other. She explained as best she could what she had experienced, she even told Jack about Mary, she told them how she had seen Robert, and how he had offered his own life in place of hers. She even told them about the kiss. She had tears rolling down her face, the raw emotion poured out of her.

"I knew that if I came back, I would lose him. He was willing to give his life, so that I could carry on living. In those few moments, I felt so much love from him. What if none of it was real? What if I dreamed it?" She looked up at the boys, they all had tears rolling down their faces too. Jack had moved and was kneeling in front of her.

"I don't know what you went through, but I think you need to see him. He's lost." Jack told her. Gerry squeezed her hand.

"What do you want?" He asked. She shook her head.

"I don't know." She replied.

Brian had sat quiet throughout, he had taken hold of Sandra's other hand at some point and gave it a friendly squeeze.

"Does it matter?" He asked, the others all looked at him. He tried to explain. "I mean, you said you were afraid of losing him, you didn't want to come back to us because that would mean him leaving us, and that scared you. Even if you imagined the whole thing, it doesn't mean those feelings are any less real. You said you and he kissed in that place, again, our dreams have a way of telling us what we really need to know. Maybe your subconscious was trying to tell you not to waste any more time." He stopped as three pairs of eyes stared at him. "What?"

"The blind leading the blonde." Gerry muttered, earning him a slap on the arm. "Ow, it was a joke!" He paused, "Uncle Bulgaria's right though, just because the whole thing might have been in your head, doesn't mean it's not what you want."

"Then again," Brian added, "maybe it wasn't all in your head, maybe it happened."

"You won't know until you talk to him." Jack added. He stood up, brushing at the knees of his trousers.

Sandra stood and wandered into her office, the three men all looked at each other, then back to Sandra as she re-emerged with her bag and keys.

"Can I ask you three a question?" She enquired. They all murmered in the affirmative. "How would you all feel if something did happen between him and me?" She looked at them all in turn as she tried to read their faces, "I mean, back before the accident, well, you wouldn't give him the time of day."

"Maybe we all had some kind of revelation, our's just wasn't the out of body kind." Jack replied.

"Nearly losing someone makes you appreciate them more." Gerry added. Sandra looked at Brian for his response, Brian just looked at them before adding his pearl of wisdom.

"He's alright."

Sandra smiled, she looked around her 'family'

"I don't know what's going to happen, but thank you."

"Where are you going?" Jack asked, even though he already knew the answer. She smiled.

"To the hospital. It's time I stopped hiding."

/

She opened the door softly, Robert was sleeping and she didn't want to wake him, not yet. She wanted to spend a few minutes trying to figure out what she was going to say.

'_Hi, I had an out of body experience, were you really there, or did I dream we kissed?' _She thought, perhaps not. She slipped inside the room and shut the door. She just stood and looked at the figure on the bed. He was usually so together, not a hair out of place, his suits immaculate, he always presented a such a strong figure, it shook her to see him looking so fragile. Maybe that was the reason she hadn't come to the hospital, maybe she couldn't face seeing him broken. She steeled herself and approached the bed, his hair had been trimmed short, giving him a severe look. She traced the angry scar which ran from his left ear down under his chin with her eyes, the stiches had been removed, leaving the injury looking red and inflamed. his chest was a patchwork of surgical scars, and was still very bruised, a rainbow of red, yellow and purple. As she drew closer, she could see his left arm was still in plaster, and the other scars on his face, the one on his jawline, looking less angry and the one on his forehead. She wondered if the scars would fade, or if he would always carry the reminder of her driving.

She reached out and gently touched his cheek, the need to touch him, to see if he was real, over riding the need to let him sleep. He stired, his eyes fluttering open. As the deep blue focused on her, he smiled shyly at her. She decided to catch him while he was still sleepy.

"Would you really have died so I could live?" She asked. He didn't hesitate.

"Always." He whispered. Her eyes widened.

"Was it real? do you remember?" He paused, she could see the conflict in his features, a part of him wanted to talk to her, another part wanted to run and hide. After what seemed like hours but in reality was only a few seconds, he nodded.

"Sandra," His voice was hoarse, "..." He seemed to struggle to find his words, finally he settled for the two words he had wanted to say for years, "You're beautiful."

She felt a lump come into her throat, those simple words conveying all of his feelings in one priceless moment. In that instant everything became clear, it didn't matter if she had dreamed before, and it didn't matter that he was her boss, the only thing that mattered was that they had been given a second chance, she wasn't going to waste it, she perched on the edge of the bed and ran her hand along his jawline, tracing the scar with her fingers, she traced her other hand along the scar on his forehead, she leaned in and brushed a featherlight kiss to the blemish. She kissed her way down the other scar, and along to the one on his jaw. His breathing had become shallow, and it hitched as she found his lips.

"I thought I had lost you, before I even had the chance to know how it feels to be loved by you." She whispered against his lips. She felt the smile form before she felt his lips find hers and they shared a long tender kiss.

/

Authors note; Epilogue soon.


	11. Chapter 11 epilogue

Those who love you most

Disclaimer; I don't own New Tricks or any of the characters, I just enjoy messing with them.

"What's keeping them so long?" Robert muttered as he sat on the edge of the hospital bed. Sandra turned and smiled at him as she put the last of his things in the carryall.

"They probably don't want you to go. They'll miss you. You've been here nearly three months after all." She quipped. "Anyway, we'll be home soon enough."

He smiled. He couldn't believe how much work had gone into getting him home. He knew that Esther and Grace had been going to his house regularly, making sure it had been kept clean, and with Jack's help they had also kept his garden tidy, so that when he got home, his little haven would be ready for him. Gerry and Brian had been bringing work into the hospital so that he could catch up, so that when he eventually returned to work he wouldn't be completely out of touch and over-run. He knew that shopping had been done and that the home he left three months ago was waiting for him.

And he had Sandra. She had been his rock for the past several weeks, helping him through the physiotherapy which he had endure to restore his muscles which had been unused for the weeks he had lay motionless in bed, and to help his damaged lungs heal. He had had to build up his strength and fitness levels using the hospital gymnasium, so that he could return to work. Sandra had been with him throughout. She had sat with him during the long summer evenings, and had taken him out in a wheelchair a few times to help him break the monotony of the hospital routine.

She had been the one who had contacted his ex-wife, and from the account he had got from Gerry, had treated his ex to a complete roasting, which had ended in Sandra being able to contact his children at the boarding school their mother had them incarcerated at. He recalled the evening she had turned up with her laptop and had declared that Brian had downloaded something for him. She had settled down next to him, to watch the film, then had turned it on, only to see a video message from his kids. He had cried with joy at seeing them, and then she had told him that they would be able to ring him every Sunday.

Her curse brought him out of his daydream and he laughed slightly as she tried in vain to close the zip on the bag. She looked at him as she heard him chuckle.

"It's amazing how much stuff has accumulated here. I should have bought a suitcase." She laughed. He moved over to her side and helped her shut the bag, then she turned to face him, looping her arms behind his neck. He placed both his hands on her waist and leaned in for a soft kiss. It was all they had done so far, kiss. A complete lack of privacy in the hospital had prevented any form of intimacy from forming between them, in fact, Sandra had been severely told off by one nurse who had strongly resembled the matron out of the carry on films for sitting on the bed. The other nurses had told Sandra however that her presence had made such a difference to his recovery that they would look the other way, so she had taken to laying up beside him, just to give him comfort.

This kiss however was interupted by the arrival of the doctor, who had come to sign his release form. So armed with painkillers and other assorted medication, they loaded up Rob's car and set off for his home. The journey was quiet, neither wanted to talk about the change in their circumstances, in the hospital they could pretend the world outside didn't exist. Sandra was mindful of the fact that this was the first time he had been in a car since the accident, not to mention that she was once again driving him, so she was being especially careful. It had taken her several weeks before she had plucked up the courage to get behind the wheel again, and here she was, driving his Mercedes. She kept on sneaking little glances in his direction. He looked fairly relaxed. Eventually she decided to break the silence.

"Are you alright?" She asked him. He smiled at her.

"I'm fine, why?"

"Well, the last time I drove, it didn't end too well." She replied, only half joking. He laughed.

"I have complete faith in you." He told her, then more seriously. "Listen, I want you to believe me when I tell you, the accident wasn't your fault. The lorry was going too fast, you couldn't avoid it."

"If I had been going slower, we'd have been further back." She whispered.

"And some other poor sod would have been where we were. Maybe a family with small children in the car, maybe a young driver in an older, less robust car. You can't worry about what might have happened. Just remember, we're alive, and together. That's all that matters." She felt her heart swell, she had spent so much of her spare time around him, she just couldn't imagine not having him beside her. He seemed to sense what she was thinking, he reached across and placed his hand gently on her knee. She reached down and took hold of his hand. The drove on like that in companionable silence, until they turned into his street. "Will anybody else be waiting?" He asked, slightly suspicious.

"Only the boys, and Esther, oh and maybe Mum." She admitted. "Everybody wanted to welcome you home." She laughed, as they turned into his driveway. They let themselves in only to be greeted by the sound of a party in full swing, and shouts of surprise! And welcome home! Robert felt a little overwhelmed, there were a lot more than the few people Sandra had told him about, he glanced back towards her and she shrugged in a half apollogy. He felt a little bit embarrased as he made his way through the crowd, having to lean heavily on his hospital issue walking stick which the doctors had insisted he use until his legs had regained full strength. Sandra walked at his other arm, ready to help if need be. He was suddenly aware of the two smaller people amongst the throng, and he almost wept as he saw his eleven year old daughter and thirteen year old son, stood waiting for him. He held his arms open and both children threw themselves into his embrace, everybody who knew Robert knew how big a deal this was for him, and nobody felt the need to hide their emotions.

The party went on all afternoon, people came and went, early evening arrived and people started to leave, the numbers dwindled, Robert's ex turned up to take the children back to school. That reunion, while not comfortable, was civilised, and the ex-wife promised that she wouldn't block Rob from seeing the children anymore.

Eventually it was just the team left. Gerry, Brian and Esther had done a fantastic job of clearing up, now the only sign that there had been anybody there was the few coffee cups left on the draining board. Rob sat on his sofa, he had been overwhelmed by the affection which had been showered on him, and now he felt utterly exhausted. They all came to say goodnight, Esther giving Rob a kindly kiss on the cheek and a hug. Gerry patted him on the shoulder.

"Take it easy for a few days mate, if you need anything, you know where I am." He told the younger man. Brian nodded in agreement.

"Aye, that goes for us to. But don't stay away from work too long. We need to get rid of that eejit Collard. Man's about as much use as a chocolate fireguard." They all laughed and said their goodbyes. That only left Jack, Grace and Sandra. Jack came and perched next to him.

"We mean it you know. I mean it. What I said in the hospital still stands." Rob nodded and Jack gave him a warm smile. Grace sat down on the other side of him, she took his hand.

"I've not thanked you for what you did." Robs eyes went wide and he looked in Sandra's direction, she was seated on one of the tall stools at the breakfast bar, looking as exhausted as him. "Sandra tried to explain what happened. I don't know if I understand, but thank you." She gave him a kiss on his cheek and wished him goodnight.

"Right." Said Jack, "Let's get you back to whitemead." He, Grace and Sandra made their way out of the room, Rob heard the front door open and shut. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly, trying to steady his heart. This was the first time since the accident that he had been alone, and suddenly he was scared, he didn't know why, he'd just got used to having people around him all the time. He started as he felt the sofa dip next to him, he looked around straight into Sandra's eyes, she lay her head on the back of the sofa and caressed his face with the backs of her fingers.

"You didn't think I would leave you alone did you." She asked him. He smiled shyly. " Your spare room is all made up and I've got a bag already unpacked up there. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you." He whispered. She kissed him gently.

"Do you want to go to bed?" She asked, then blushed as she realised how that had sounded. He laughed.

"Yes I do." She helped him to stand and they made their way upstairs, on the landing she stopped outside his room.

"If you need any help, just call." She told him. He nodded and was about to go in when he stopped and turned to her. He took her face in his hands and brushed the blonde hair away from her face before leaning in for a passionate kiss. As he drew away she could see the fire burning in his eyes.

"Do you want to go to bed?" He asked, the same question she had used, but the meaning completely different.

"Yes I do." She answered, and they kissed again, making their way into his bedroom.

/

A few hours later, Sandra stood looking out of the window, she looked back to the bed where her lover lay sleeping. 'Lover'! She smiled at the memory of the evening. She had no doubts now, this was what she wanted. She looked up at the stars, and smiled.

"Thank you." She whispered, before she made her way back to the bed. As she snuggled up against him he opened his eyes and whispered softly in her ear,

"Who were you thanking?" She brushed her hand over the faint scars on his chest before replying.

"Those who love us most."

The End.

Author's note. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. xxx


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